The Narcissist's Endgame: What a Narcissist does at the end of a relationship. 9 lessons to learn.
What a Narcissist does at the end of a relationship, I get asked about this constantly. Are there ways 'they' behave that I can look out for? How do I spot these narcissistic behaviours? How do I remain disentangled from that relationship in the future?
I hear you, and I am here to help!
Ending a relationship can be a super stressful and highly emotional process for ANYONE involved and what a narcissist does at the end of a relationship is even more of a challenge.
However, when dealing with a narcissist, the conclusion of a relationship can bring about REAL BIG challenges and behaviours. Understanding what a narcissist typically does at the end of a relationship can help YOU navigate this difficult situation with clarity and resilience.
It's not an easy journey (and hey, I've left a few!), but armed with these facts, I hope they can really help support you.
1. The Idealisation Stage Fades
In the initial stages of a relationship with a narcissist, they often idealise their partner, showering them with affection, attention, and praise.
I received gifts, beautiful gestures of love and constant words of praise. I felt like I was their 'world'. I used to call one of them 'my knight in shining armour' .. now I know he was more like the witch from 'Sleeping Beauty' wanting me to prick my finger on the spinning wheel. OUCH!
As the relationship progresses, this idealisation stage begins to fade. By the end of the relationship, the Narcissist may start to devalue their partner, criticising and belittling them more frequently.
This shift in behaviour can be very confusing and hurtful for the partner, who may seriously struggle to understand why the dynamic has changed so suddenly.
I think for me, I always blamed myself, and they were always pointing out it was 'my fault', so of course I would think this! I had low self-esteem, and the guilt I felt for a long time after breakups was horrific (until I started my healing journey, that is).
2. Discarding and Disengaging AKA 'THE END'
What a narcissist does at the end of a relationship is that as the relationship deteriorates, the Narcissist may reach a point where they decide to discard their partner entirely. This could involve abruptly ending the relationship without warning or explanation, leaving the partner feeling shocked and abandoned.
You may have lots of questions like 'Why?' and 'What went wrong?' but realistically, you won't get a 'proper' response worth anything to you as an explanation.
In some cases, the Narcissist may engage in a gradual disengagement process, slowly withdrawing their affection and attention until the relationship fizzles out.
3. Gaslighting and Manipulation
Throughout the end stages of the relationship, what a narcissist does at the end of a relationship is they may resort to gaslighting and manipulation tactics in an attempt to control the narrative and maintain their sense of superiority.
Status, from my experience, seems to mean everything to the Narcissist, as they don't want others to know what they are really like. Often appearing to others to be the 'model' person, when at home, you see a VERY different story.
Gaslighting involves distorting the truth or denying reality to make the partner doubt their own perceptions and sanity.
This can leave the partner feeling confused, invalidated, and powerless, further reinforcing the Narcissist's control over the relationship.
It's hard to believe what is happening to you; they want you to think you are imagining it. The new narratives they create, THEY actually believe, so it's important to journal what is truthfully happening and speak to friends or family to help you with YOUR truth of the situation.
Want to know more on Gaslighting? Read 'What is Gaslighting' click here.
4. Hoovering - Just when you think it's over?
Just when you think it's over, the Narcissist may continue to attempt to manipulate and control you through tactics such as hoovering and future faking.
Hoovering involves attempting to suck the partner back into the relationship by showering them with affection, making promises of change, or playing on their emotions.
For me, examples of this were promising to see a counsellor for their issues or attempting to have 'anger management' help. NONE of the promises ever fruitioned as they don't really believe they have the problem at all. It is simply 'lip service' to get you to stay around, but they do seem VERY convincing, and I've been taken in a few times with this.
5. Future Faking
Future faking is often what a narcissist does at the end of a relationship, and it entails making grandiose plans for the future to keep the partner hooked and hopeful, only to never follow through on these promises.
6. Emotional Fallout and Self-Doubt
The aftermath of a relationship with what a narcissist does at the end of a relationship often leaves the partner grappling with intense emotional fallout and self-doubt.
The constant invalidation, manipulation, and gaslighting can erode their self-esteem and confidence, leaving them questioning their worth and sanity.
It's common for individuals who have been in relationships with narcissists to experience symptoms such as severe depression, anxiety and even post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) as they process the trauma of the experience.
I have had ALL of the above! Thankfully, it is not forever. I promise - this phase will end.
7. Healing and Recovery from What a Narcissist Does at the End of a Relationship
Healing from a relationship with a narcissist is a gradual and continual process that requires patience, self-compassion, and support from others.
Individuals must prioritise their well-being and engage in self-care practices such as therapy, journaling, exercise, and spending time with loved ones.
Recovering from the painful emotional wounds inflicted by a narcissistic relationship may take time, but with dedication and perseverance, individuals can rebuild their self-esteem, trust in themselves, and capacity to form healthy connections with others.
NLP and Time Line Therapy are excellent for healing past wounds. Reach out to me here if you'd like to hear more about this.
8. Establishing Boundaries and No Contact
One of the most crucial steps in recovering from what a narcissist does at the end of a relationship is establishing firm boundaries and implementing a strategy of no contact if possible. I appreciate when children are involved; that is a whole different story. I promise to blog on this at a future date.
Setting boundaries helps protect you from further manipulation and harm, while no contact allows you to disengage from the toxic dynamic and focus on your own healing journey.
This may involve blocking the Narcissist's phone number and social media accounts, avoiding places where they are likely to be encountered, and refraining from engaging in any form of communication with them.
This does help. Massively.
9. Finding Closure and Moving Forward
Finding closure after what a narcissist does at the end of a relationship AND during IS challenging, as they are unlikely to provide the validation or closure that the partner seeks. I've been there, and you just don't and won't ever get the answers you want to hear.
Instead, you must find closure within yourself by acknowledging the reality of the situation, accepting that YOU cannot change the Narcissist, and let go of any lingering hope for reconciliation or understanding.
By focusing on YOUR own growth, resilience, and happiness, YOU can gradually release the grip of the Narcissist's influence and move forward with your life.
I promise. YOU can and YOU will. However hard it may seem right now.
Liv's Last Positive Words - What a narcissist does at the end of a relationship
Leaving a relationship with a narcissist requires courage, self-awareness, and a commitment to healing. And a bit more!
From the emotional fallout and self-doubt to the journey of establishing boundaries and finding closure, individuals who have experienced narcissistic relationships must prioritise their OWN well-being and seek support from others. YES, that's YOU!
After what a narcissist does at the end of a relationship you must recognise YOUR worth and reclaim YOUR power. Survivors of narcissistic abuse can emerge from the shadows of their past and embrace a future filled with hope, authenticity, and healthy connections.
I've done it! So can you. PLEASE Let me help you make it easier. I did it the harder way, and I wish I'd had someone to help me do it quicker and easier.
Take my 'Toxic Relationship Quiz' here to find out if you've been in a toxic relationship, and help me to help you, END your pain.
Always here,
Livia