How to take control away from a narcissist will likely be a question you've been seeking answers to if you have been dealing with a narcissistic relationship for a while.
Dealing with a narcissist can be an extremely draining and challenging experience. Narcissists often seek to control and manipulate those around them, making it difficult to maintain their sense of self and autonomy.
However, there are strategies you can employ to take control away from a narcissist and regain your power. This guide provides detailed steps and advice on how to navigate interactions with a narcissist and protect your well-being effectively.
Understanding Narcissistic Behaviour
When looking into how to take control away from a narcissist, before diving into the strategies, it's essential to understand the precise behaviours and tactics commonly used by narcissists. Narcissists often exhibit:
An inflated sense of self-importance.
A constant need for admiration and validation.
A lack of empathy for others.
Manipulative and controlling behaviours.
Recognising these traits is the first step in developing a strategy to regain control.
Steps to Take Control Away from a Narcissist
1. Establish and Maintain Strong Boundaries
What to Do:
Set clear, defined boundaries about what you will and will not accept from the narcissist. Communicate these boundaries firmly and consistently.
Why It Works:
Boundaries help protect your mental and emotional health by limiting the narcissist's ability to manipulate and control you. They are less likely to push those limits when they know certain behaviours will lead to consequences (Jay Reid Psychotherapy) (Choosing Therapy).
2. Disengage and Do Not React
What to Do:
When a narcissist tries to provoke you, stay calm and do not engage. Refuse to get drawn into arguments or emotional exchanges. Use phrases like "I'm sorry you feel that way" to defuse conflicts without giving them power over your emotions (Live Bold and Bloom) (mindbodygreen).
Why It Works:
Narcissists thrive on reactions and conflict. By not reacting, you deny them the emotional fuel they need to continue their manipulative behaviour. This can eventually lead them to lose interest in trying to provoke you.
3. Do Not Accept the Blame
What to Do: Refuse to accept blame for the narcissist's feelings or actions. If they try to guilt-trip you or shift blame, calmly reiterate your position and stand firm in your truth.
Why It Works: Narcissists often project their faults onto others. By refusing to accept blame, you prevent them from using guilt as a tool for control (Live Bold and Bloom).
4. Limit Contact and Create Emotional Distance
What to Do:
Reduce the amount of time you spend with the narcissist. When interactions are necessary, keep them brief and focused on practical matters. Use tools like "grey rocking" (becoming uninteresting and unemotional) to minimize their impact on you (Jay Reid Psychotherapy).
Why It Works: Limiting contact reduces the narcissist's opportunities to manipulate and control you. Emotional distance protects your mental health and makes it easier to enforce boundaries.
5. Seek Support and Build a Network
What to Do:
Surround yourself with supportive friends, family, or support groups who understand your situation. Professional therapy can also provide valuable tools and strategies for dealing with narcissistic abuse.
Why It Works: A strong support network can offer validation, advice, and emotional strength. Therapy can help you process your experiences and develop powerful coping strategies (Choosing Therapy).
6. Focus on Self-Care and Personal Growth
What to Do:
Engage in activities that promote your well-being and self-esteem. This might include hobbies, exercise, mindfulness practices, and pursuing personal goals.
Why It Works: Self-care and personal growth help rebuild your sense of self-worth and autonomy, making it harder for the narcissist to undermine your confidence (Choosing Therapy).
7. Document Everything
What to Do: Keep a record of all interactions with the narcissist, especially any abusive or manipulative behaviour. Save texts, emails, and any other communications.
Why It Works: Documentation can be crucial if you need to take legal action or if you need to show evidence of the narcissist's behaviour to others. It also helps you stay clear about what has happened, reducing their ability to manipulate your perception of events (Jay Reid Psychotherapy).
8. Practice Assertive Communication
What to Do:
Learn and practice assertive communication techniques. This involves expressing your needs and feelings very clearly and directly without being aggressive. Aim to use "I" statements to take ownership of your feelings and avoid blaming the narcissist, which can trigger defensive reactions.
Why It Works:
Assertive communication helps you maintain control of the interaction and reduces the likelihood of escalating conflicts. It also reinforces your boundaries and ensures your needs are heard and respected (Jay Reid Psychotherapy) (Choosing Therapy).
9. Educate Yourself About Narcissism
What to Do:
Read books, articles, and research about narcissistic personality disorder and narcissistic abuse. Understanding the psychological mechanisms behind narcissistic behaviour can help you anticipate their tactics and prepare appropriate responses.
Why It Works:
Knowledge is power. Being well-informed about narcissism can help you feel more confident and less susceptible to manipulation. It also validates your experiences and strengthens your resolve to maintain boundaries (Jay Reid Psychotherapy) (mindbodygreen).
10. Plan for Safety
What to Do: If the narcissist is abusive, develop a safety plan. This includes identifying safe places to go, having emergency contacts, and knowing local resources like shelters or hotlines. Ensure you have access to essential documents and finances.
Why It Works:
Safety is paramount, especially in situations involving potential physical or severe emotional abuse. A plan can provide peace of mind and practical steps to protect yourself and those you love (Choosing Therapy) (mindbodygreen).
11. Seek Legal Advice if Necessary
What to Do:
If the narcissist is causing legal problems or if you are in a contentious separation or divorce, seek legal advice. An experienced lawyer can help you understand your rights and the best action to protect yourself legally.
Why It Works:
Narcissists can use legal systems to their advantage, making it essential to have professional guidance. Legal advice ensures you are informed and prepared to handle legal manipulations or disputes (Choosing Therapy).
12. Focus on Your Long-Term Goals
What to Do:
Identify and focus on your long-term personal and professional goals. This can help shift your attention away from the narcissist and towards building a fulfilling and autonomous life.
Why It Works: Having clear goals helps you stay motivated and resilient. It also provides a sense of purpose and direction, reducing the narcissist's impact on your day-to-day life and long-term plans (Jay Reid Psychotherapy) (Choosing Therapy).
Conclusion
Taking control away from a narcissist is a challenging but achievable goal. It will require a combination of clear boundaries, emotional resilience, and a robust support system. By implementing these specific strategies, you can protect yourself from their manipulative tactics and regain your autonomy.
You will need to prioritise and practice some self-care strategies along the way
The goal is not to change the narcissist as ultimately, it is very difficult for a leopard to change its spots, but to ensure your well-being and peace of mind. Recovery and empowerment are possible with the right approach and support.
With some of the strategies that I've shared, you should be able to navigate your interactions with a narcissist more effectively and move towards a happier, healthier, more empowered future.
How to take control away from a narcissist is a complex and stressful challenge as you can see. If you find yourself in this situation and any of what I've said above resonates with you, then it is highly advisable to speak with an experienced therapist and coach such as myself.
I can proactively and strategically help you navigate a clear, enlightened and empowered path for your own unique situation and journey to ensure we can achieve the best outcome for what you are looking for in your life.
I'm only a click away here, so reach out today if you would like my proven strategies to help you as soon as possible.
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Always here,
Livia