How to Get Over a Narcissist Relationship - 10 Steps to Your Freedom
How to get over a narcissist relationship? I have been asked this so many times - hence writing this blog post. I truly hope it helps you as this is a lot of personal knowledge I've gained through my own life, as well as my client's.
Getting over a relationship with a narcissist is to say the least, challenging and an often a painful process. Narcissistic relationships are emotionally exhausting and can leave deep scars for many years - I know it did for me. Understanding how to heal and move forward is super important for reclaiming your life and well-being. This guide 'How to get over a narcissist relationship?' will give you my detailed steps and strategies to get over a narcissist relationship, supported by critical statistics and expert insights.
Liv's Intro
Relationships with narcissists can be incredibly draining, both emotionally and mentally - I know mine have been. Narcissists often manipulate, demean, and control their partners, leaving them feeling worthless and trapped which is why its challenging in how to get over a narcissist relationship.
The National Institute of Mental Health says that approximately 6.2% of the U.S. population has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). This significant number means many people are affected by the toxic dynamics of narcissistic relationships.
Recovering from such a relationship requires a clear plan, patience, and self-compassion. I hope that my blog post will guide you through the necessary steps to rebuild your life and regain your sense of self. As I have my own.
1. Recognise the Abuse
Acknowledge the Narcissistic Behaviour
The first step in how to get over a narcissist relationship is healing and acknowledging that you were in a relationship with a narcissist. Narcissists exhibit specific behaviours such as grandiosity, a definite lack of empathy, and also a need for constant admiration. They often use tactics like gaslighting, where they make you doubt your reality, and love-bombing, where they overwhelm you with affection to gain control. Understanding these patterns is crucial in recognising that the abuse was not your fault.
Understand the Impact
The emotional, psychological and even physical impact of a narcissistic relationship can be profound. Studies indicate that individuals who have been in such relationships often experience symptoms of PTSD, anxiety, and depression. When you know the extent of the damage to you, this can help you to validate your feelings and motivate you to seek the help you need.
2. Cut Off Contact
Implement No Contact Rule
One of the most effective ways to start how to get over a narcissist relationship is the healing process and to implement the no-contact rule. This means completely cutting off communication with the narcissist. If you can, block their phone number, unfollow them on social media, and avoid places where you might run into them.
This is more difficult when you have children of course, so I (and other advisors I know) would suggest blocking the number on your current 'everyday' phone and getting a separate one just for your ex, to cover emergencies and lateness for eg. Just check it when you need to - even ask someone else to check it for you if necessary, so you don't get caught up or hurt again with any remarks that may be made at you.
Set Firm Boundaries
If you cannot altogether avoid contact, such as in cases involving children, set firm boundaries. Keep interactions strictly business-like and avoid discussing personal matters. Establish clear limits on what is acceptable behaviour and stick to them consistently.
3. Seek Professional Help
Therapy and Counselling
Professional therapy can be incredibly beneficial in overcoming the trauma of a narcissistic relationship. NLP (Neuro-linguistic) is particularly effective in addressing the negative thought patterns and emotional wounds caused by narcissistic abuse. A licensed therapist like I am (a Master practitioner of NLP) can provide you with tools to rebuild your self-esteem and navigate your emotions and important in how to get over a narcissist relationship.
Support Groups
Joining a support group can also be helpful. Connecting with others who have experienced similar situations can provide comfort and validation. Support groups, like the ones I attended (reluctantly at first!), offer a safe space to share your experiences, see what has happened to others and how this is aligned with your experience, as well as learn coping strategies.
4. Rebuild Your Self-Esteem
Self-Care Practices
Engaging in regular self-care is crucial for rebuilding your self-esteem and how to get over a narcissist relationship. This can include activities like going to the gym or exercise even walking (borrow a dog if you need to!) is good, meditation, journaling, and spending time with loved ones. Prioritise activities that make you feel good about yourself and help you reconnect with your interests and passions.
Be you again!
Positive Affirmations
Something that has helped my clients and I, is incorporating positive affirmations (even in songs!) into your every day routine can help shift your mindset. Affirmations such as "I am worthy of love and respect" and "I am strong and capable" can counteract the negative self-perception often instilled by a narcissist.
I even listen to positive songs, with affirmations in them, in the car when I am going places and pop them in a playlist to get me feeling confident when I am on my way somewhere.
5. Educate Yourself
Learn About Narcissistic Abuse
Learning about narcissistic abuse yourself and its effects can empower you and a key tool in how to get over a narcissist relationship. Understanding the tactics narcissists use and the reasons behind their behaviour can help you make sense of your experience and reaffirm that the abuse was not your fault. Really it wasn't. I blamed myself for a long time.
Read Personal Stories
Reading about others' experiences with narcissistic relationships can provide perspective and hope. Books, articles, and online forums can offer valuable insights and strategies for recovery.
6. Focus on the Future
Set New Goals
Setting new personal and professional goals can help you focus on the future rather than dwelling on the past. Whether it's pursuing a new hobby, advancing in your career, or travelling, having something to look forward to can be incredibly motivating.
Build Healthy Relationships
As you heal, focus on building healthy relationships. Hugely important in how to get over a narcissist relationship! Surround yourself with supportive and positive people who respect and value you. Healthy relationships can provide a stark contrast to the toxicity of a narcissistic relationship and help you relearn what genuine connection feels like. I couldn't have got through mine without my mum and one of my best friends telling me that his behaviour was 'not normal'!!
7. Embrace Self-Compassion
Practice Forgiveness
How to get over a narcissist relationship? An essential part of your healing journey is practising self-forgiveness. You may find yourself blaming yourself for staying in the relationship or for not recognising the abuse sooner. It's important to understand that narcissists are skilled manipulators, and anyone, and I mean ANYONE can fall victim to their tactics.
Forgive yourself for any perceived mistakes and recognise that you did the best you could with the knowledge and resources you had at the time.
Develop a Self-Compassion Routine
Integrate self-compassionate practices into your daily life. This could be as simple as taking time each day to reflect on your progress, acknowledging your feelings without judgment, and treating yourself with the same love, kindness and understanding you would offer one of your friends.
Resources like Dr. Kristin Neff's work on self-compassion can be particularly helpful in guiding these practices.
8. Reinforce Your Boundaries
Re-Evaluate Personal Boundaries
Boundaries, boundaries - I talk about this a lot! After leaving a narcissistic relationship, it's crucial to re-evaluate and strengthen your personal boundaries. Reflect on what you need to feel safe and respected in your interactions with others. This might include physical boundaries, emotional boundaries, or digital boundaries. Clear boundaries help protect your well-being and prevent future abuse.
My new course has a whole section on this click here so sign up to the waiting list - its nearly ready!
Communicate Assertively
Learning to communicate assertively is another vital skill. Assertive clear communication involves expressing your needs and feelings clearly and respectfully without being passive or aggressive. Practice saying no when necessary and stand up for yourself in a calm and composed manner. It takes practice and its worth the effort. I promise.
Cultivate Resilience
Build Emotional Resilience
Emotional resilience is what is meant by how you bounce back from adversity and stress. You can build resilience by maintaining a positive outlook - glass half full please 😊, practising gratitude, and engaging in regular self-reflection. There are lots of techniques which can include mindfulness and meditation can also enhance your resilience by helping you stay grounded and present. All important in how to get over a narcissist relationship.
Develop a Strong Support Network
Your network of friends, family, and professionals is important, so you should surround yourself with a supportive network. A strong support system can provide emotional encouragement, practical advice, and a sense of belonging. Reach out to trusted people when you need help or simply a listening ear.
If you want to connect with me, feel free to reach me here.
9. Reconnect with Your Authentic Self
Rediscover Your Interests and Hobbies
During a narcissistic relationship, you may have lost touch with your interests and hobbies. Take time to rediscover what you love. Whether it's painting, hiking, reading, or any other activity, engaging in things that bring you joy could help you reconnect with your authentic self and rebuild your identity.
Reflect on Your Values and Goals
Spend some time reflecting on your core values and long-term goals. What matters most to you? What do you want to achieve? Reconnecting with your values and setting new goals can give you a sense of direction and purpose as you move forward. It did for me!
10. Practice Patience and Persistence
Understand the Healing Process
How to get over a narcissist relationship and healing is not linear; there will be always be ups and downs, especially if you have children together. It's important to be patient with yourself and understand that setbacks are a normal part of the process.
Celebrate your progress, no matter how small, and be persistent in your efforts to heal. A glass of fizz, a favourite herbal tea or simply a chat with a best friend are all ways to celebrate! Its whatever you fancy - just mark them.
Stay Committed to Your Well-Being
Commit to prioritising your well-being above all else. This might involve making difficult decisions, such as distancing yourself from unsupportive people or making significant lifestyle changes.
Please do remember, that your health and happiness are so so important, and taking care of yourself is essential for long-term recovery.
How to get over a narcissist relationship- Final Thoughts
How to get over a narcissist relationship? Healing from a relationship with a narcissist is a challenging journey that requires time (no it cant be rushed sorry!), effort, and immense self-compassion.
By following my steps—recognising the abuse, cutting off or limiting contact, seeking professional help (me if you need me), rebuilding your self-esteem, educating yourself, focusing on the future, embracing self-compassion, reinforcing your boundaries, cultivating resilience, reconnecting with your authentic self, and practising patience and persistence—, you can heal and emerge stronger than ever.
Each step you take brings you closer to a great life filled with peace, joy, and healthy relationships! Hooray!
Remember, you are not alone, and support is available every step of the way - honestly. Trust in your strength and resilience, and believe in your ability to overcome and thrive.
YOU can do this!
If you've loved learning about 'How to get over a narcissist relationship?' then you will love my blog about 'How does a narcissist react when they can't control you?
If you'd like to take action now, you can join my waiting list for my 2024 'Harmful to Healthy Relationships Course' which will be launched soon. A proven way to change your current reality, change your toxic cycle and find love. Click here to be first in the queue!
Always here,
Livia