How To Be The Best Single Mum - A 9 step Success Guide
How to be the best single mum? As I became a single mom, I had so many questions, ideas and advice to trail through. It was a challenge for one child, but for what eventually became three beautiful children, even more so. I thought it may help all of you mums out there, if I put pen to paper (as it were) and gave you some hints and tips that have worked for me, and I hope it helps you too.
Being or becoming a single mum is a super challenging yet, also incredibly rewarding experience. Juggling responsibilities, managing finances, raising children, and maintaining your own well-being can feel so overwhelming, but with the right approach, and in my (small) opinion, it's possible to thrive as a single parent.
In my blog post about how to be the best single mum, we will break down my own detailed how-to-be-the-best-single-mum-a-9-step-success-guidesteps on how to be the best single mum, with me offering practical tips and citing reliable statistics to show how you can successfully get through and even enjoy, yes I said enjoy, this journey.
As you focus on creating a stable, loving and caring environment, prioritising your own self-care, and managing finances wisely (this was a big one for me!), you can ensure the best for both yourself and your gorgeous little people, aka your children.
Here we go Mammas!
How to Be the Best Single Mum Step 1: Build a Strong Support System
One of the most important things to do in how to be the best single mum is to establish a reliable support system. While it's tempting to try and do everything on your own, no one is meant to face life's challenges entirely alone. According to a 2021 Pew Research Center report, approximately 23% of children in the United States live with a single parent, highlighting the growing need for support among single mums.
Here are ways to build your support system:
Family and Friends: Lean on close relatives or friends who can help with childcare, offer emotional support, or provide advice when needed.
Single Parent Groups: Join local or online communities of single parents. Connecting with other mums going through similar experiences can offer both advice and a sense of camaraderie.
Professional Support: Therapists, life coaches, or social workers can help you navigate emotional difficulties and offer guidance on handling stress.
How to Be the Best Single Mum Step 2: Create a Consistent Routine
One thing I've found is that children really do thrive on consistency and routine, and as a single mum, establishing a daily structure for your children is crucial. Routines help children feel safe, secure, and more in control of their environment.
According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, children in structured households tend to develop better emotionally and academically.
Here's how to create a solid routine:
Set Regular Bedtimes and Mealtimes: Consistency in these areas helps children feel stable. It can also reduce stress for both you and your children as you both know whats 'meant' to happen.
Designate Homework and Play Times: Balancing work and play is essential for your child's development and your sanity! Make sure they know when it's time to focus and when they can relax and have fun.
Household Chores: Involve your children in age-appropriate jobs around the home. Not only does this teach responsibility, but it also creates a team-like atmosphere at home where we all 'chip in'. Even asking the little ones to lay the table for dinner, they absolutely love it.
How to Be the Best Single Mum Step 3: Please Please Prioritise Self-Care
It's all too easy to put your needs on the back burner when you're focusing on raising children, but your self-care is vital when talking about how to be the best single mum. When you're emotionally, physically, and mentally healthy, you are better able to care for your children. Period.
A study published by the Journal of Family Issues found that single mothers who took time for self-care were more resilient and reported lower levels of stress. Amen to that.
Here are ways to prioritise self-care:
Getting Enough Sleep: You should be aiming for 7-8 hours of sleep per night. If you're well-rested, you'll have more energy and patience to handle daily challenges. And there will be many!!
Exercise Regularly: Even a short 30-minute walk or a lovely yoga session can significantly boost your mood and reduce stress.
Maintain Strong Social Connections: You should make sure you do not let your social life fall away whilst being a single mum. Maintaining relationships with friends or joining a social groups that you have things in common with, can help you feel supported and avoid isolating yourself. Its easy to get wrapped up in all you have to do, and forget to do this as I have done. But it really is super important.
How to Be the Best Single Mum Step 4: Manage Finances Wisely
Financial challenges are common among single moms. The U.S. Census Bureau told us that in 2020, about 28.1% of single-parent families lived below the poverty line, compared to 4.7% of married-couple families. This means managing money carefully is critical to your family's well-being. I used to let my exes handle this, so its given me real confidence to go on courses that have helped me to learn about money, and how to manage it successfully.
Tips for financial success:
Create a Family Budget: Start by tracking your income and expenses. List out your necessities, like rent, utilities, and groceries, and compare them to your income to make sure you're living within your means.
Emergency Fund: Build an emergency savings account, even if it's just a small amount at first. This can give you peace of mind during financial rough patches.
Explore Financial Assistance: Many single parents are eligible for government benefits such as housing subsidies, childcare vouchers, or food assistance programs. Research what's available in your area and make use of these resources.
How to Be the Best Single Mum Step 5: Be Present and Be Sure to Have Open Communication with Your Children
When thinking about how to be the best single mum, you probably will feel pulled in many directions at times, but being emotionally present and mindful for your children, I've found to be crucial.
Open communication builds trust and helps children feel loved and understood. Research from the Journal of Child and Family Studies indicates that children who have open, supportive communication with their parents tend to develop healthier coping mechanisms and stronger emotional resilience. And we all want that don't we? 😊
How to strengthen your bond with your children:
Listen to Their Concerns: Make sure your children know they can come to you with anything. Listen actively and without judgment. Sometimes they just want you to listen to them and really 'hear' them.
Spend Quality Time Together: Set aside time each day, even if it's just 10-15 minutes, to focus solely on your child. Whether it's reading together, going for a walk, or just talking, these moments help deepen your connection.
One of the best things I've found for our family and it has worked is to say, they can do anything with you (within reason as it has to be safe) that they choose for 10-15 minutes, Put a timer on even, if you have other children so they know not to interrupt. My kids really love this time as it is all about them, and not what I am telling them 'they should do this/that etc' ... jokes aside!!
Encourage Emotional Expression: Teach your children that it's okay to express their emotions, whether they are happy, sad, or angry. This gives them emotional intelligence and resilience which bodes well for the future and difficult situations they will undoubtedly find themselves in.
How to Be the Best Single Mum Step 6: Balance Discipline with Lots of Love and Patience
Discipline is unfortunately essential in any household, but it's especially important for single mums to find the right balance and how to be the best single mum, and this can feel so overwhelming sometimes,, to know whats right or wrong.
As sometimes the sole authority figure in your children's lives, it can be difficult to maintain firm boundaries while also being the loving, supportive parent they need.
According to a study published in Pediatrics, effective discipline that combines clear rules and consistent consequences with warmth and affection leads to healthier child development and fewer behavioural issues.
Here's how you can create a healthy balance:
Set Clear Expectations: Let your children know what is expected of them. Whether it's regarding their behaviour at home or at school, having clear expectations helps them understand the boundaries.
Use Consistent Consequences: If a rule is broken, ensure the consequence is predictable and related to the behaviour. For instance, if your child neglects their homework, reducing screen time could be a logical consequence.
Practice Patience: Children often test limits, we all know that one! but instead of reacting with frustration or anger, try to remain patient and calm. This helps to model the behaviour you want them to mirror in the future.
Reward Positive Behaviour: Positive reinforcement, such as praise 'well done', 'thats amazing' or extra privileges, when your children follow the rules, can be more effective than punishment for negative behaviour. I love a good reward chart, especially for younger age children like mine.
Remember, discipline is about teaching, and definitely not controlling. Your goal is to help your children grow into responsible and respectful individuals, and that's best achieved when discipline is delivered with love, understanding and care.
How to Be the Best Single Mum Step 7: Encourage Independence in Your Children
As a single mum, fostering independence in your children is key to lightening your load while also preparing them for adulthood. Independent children are more self-reliant, responsible, and confident.
According to the Child Development Journal, children who are encouraged to take on responsibilities early in life tend to develop better problem-solving skills and emotional resilience. Hooray!
Here are some ways to encourage independence:
Assign Age-Appropriate Tasks: Start with simple responsibilities like making their bed, tidying their room, or helping with meal preparation. These tasks teach them the value of contributing to the household and make things easier for the whole family.
Let Them Make Decisions: Allow your children to make decisions when appropriate, such as choosing their clothes or deciding on a family activity. This helps build confidence in their judgment.
Encourage Problem-Solving: When your children face challenges, guide them toward finding solutions instead of fixing everything for them. Ask questions like, "What do you think you should do?" to prompt critical thinking.
Teach Self-Care Skills: As your children grow, teach them basic self-care skills such as grooming, preparing simple meals, or managing their time for schoolwork. These skills create a sense of independence and prepare them for adulthood.
By nurturing their independence, you're are also empowering your children to take responsibility for their own actions and own decisions, which will benefit both them and you in the long run and it is definitely a key element of how to be the best single mum. Honestly.
How to Be the Best Single Mum Step 8: Stay Positive and Practice Gratitude (daily if possible!)
To be able to maintain a positive mindset is important not just for you but also for your children. Children often take emotional cues from their parents, so being positive yourself and having a positive atmosphere in the home can help them develop a resilient, optimistic outlook on life.
Studies made from the Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health show that optimistic parents often raise more optimistic children, which can lead to better physical and emotional health.
Here's how you can maintain a positive mindset:
Focus on What You Can Control: When looking at how to be the best single mum, it's easy to feel overwhelmed by all the responsibilities on your plate. Focus on the things within your control, and try not to stress about things you can't change. This is something I've seriously had to learn and practice daily and still, I don't always get it right!
Practice Gratitude: Take time each day to reflect on the positive aspects of your life, no matter how small. This could be as simple as appreciating a quiet moment or being thankful for your children's smiles. I do this daily in my gratitude journal before bed.
Model Optimism for Your Children: Talk about challenges in a way that emphasises solutions rather than dwelling on problems. For example, instead of saying, "This is so difficult," try, "This is tough, but we'll work it out together."
Teach Your Children Gratitude: Encourage your children to express gratitude for the things they have. This could be through daily conversations or journaling. Gratitude helps children appreciate their lives and focus on the positives. It literally changes the brain neurology to make us feel happier.
Positivity doesn't mean ignoring challenges or difficulties but rather choosing to approach them with hope and resilience. This positive attitude will benefit both you, your children and relationships around you, in the long run. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
How to Be the Best Single Mum Step 9: Never Be Afraid to Ask for Help
One of the biggest challenges many single mums face in how to be the best single mum, is feeling as though they have to do everything on their own. Yes I've so been there! But asking for help is not a sign of weakness—it's a sign of strength. Whether you need help with childcare, financial advice, or simply someone to talk to, reach out to those who can help you.
Here are some ways to seek help:
Tap Into Your Area's Community Resources: Many areas offer resources for single parents, such as parenting workshops, childcare assistance, or even financial counselling. Take advantage of these services to help ease some of the burdens. I've used a lot in my area.
Co-Parenting Support: If you are co-parenting, establish a healthy communication system with your child's other parent, if at all possible. Even if the relationship is difficult, try to focus on what's best for your children. Everyone benefits from this one!
Professional Help: If you're feeling emotionally or mentally overwhelmed, don't hesitate to seek help from a counsellor or therapist. They can offer tools and strategies to help you cope more effectively with the stresses of single parenting. If you want to reach out to me please please contact me here, and I'd be only to happy to assist you.
Remember to Accept Help from your Friends and Family: If someone offers to babysit or help with a household task, say yes! Allowing others to help you not only lightens your load but also strengthens your support system.
Recognising when you need help and reaching out for it shows strength and determination in doing what's best for your family. And thats what we all want isn't it.😊
How to Be the Best Single Mum: Embrace the Journey of Single Motherhood
How to be the best single mum? Being a single mum is undoubtedly one of the most challenging and tiring (ha ha) roles you can take on, but it's also one of the most exciting, loving and rewarding.
By following my steps of building a strong support system, creating a consistent routine, prioritising your own self-care, managing your finances wisely, creating open communication with your children, balancing discipline with love, encouraging independence, staying positive, thank you thank you, and asking for help when needed - you honestly can become the best version of yourself as a mother.
Remember, there is no one-size-fits-all solution to being a great parent and you should trust your instincts too. The key I've found is to be adaptable, stay resilient, and, above all, nurture the love and bond you have with your children.
With patience, love, determination, and a positive outlook, you can raise happy, confident, and thriving children, all while maintaining your own well-being as a successful single mum.
Amen to that. 🙏🏻
If you've loved learning about 'How To Be The Best Single Mum' then you will definitely love my blog about 'Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places'.
If you'd like to take action now, you can join my waiting list for my 2024 'Harmful to Healthy Relationships Course' which will be launched soon. A proven way to change your current reality, change your toxic cycle and find love. Click here to be first in the queue!
Always here,
Livia